Christmas is Around the Corner

I am laying next to Harrison in our bed, he is wrapped up in my arms napping. He smells like a combination of milk and strawberry juice. He is snoring softly. Every now and then he contorts as he coughs violently, occasionally retching as he struggles with his chest infection. My poor boy. He had sniffles last week that ended up mutating into a horrible chesty cough and cold after he had his one year jabs on Thursday. J and I battled all weekend to bring his temperature down to healthy levels and even now none of us have had much sleep. 

This time of year brings all manner of bugs to blight the festive season. As you dust off your Christmas tree and hang up your decorations you almost know for certain that somebody in the family is going to get a rotten cold in time for Christmas, and if they have one now, 'at least it's out of the way in time for Christmas'. I sincerely hope that all of us enjoy a snot-free Christmas this year. Especially as it's the first one that Harrison can begin to appreciate in terms of that we're doing something different from everyday life and that's exciting. There is a brightly lit tree in the dining room. A holly bough over the fireplace, Christmas cards strewn along the shelves. Harrison desperately wants to escape the confines of the living room and explore the tree - specifically to pull the baubles off and see if they bounce or smash. Hence why we have resigned the tree to our dining area, which we can safely cordone off.

And speaking of resigning, I have handed in my notice at work. There are big changes afoot here as in January I'll be starting a new job at the University of Essex. It's part time, more money and there are actual perks like childcare vouchers, a pension scheme etc. and the big bonus is there's a lovely nursery onsite where my little button will get to play whilst I'm working. 

I am really excited for this new challenge and genuinely ready and willing for the chance to meet new people and start this new chapter of my life as a working mum. But there is a part of me that is desperately sad that my time as a stay at home mummy has come to an end. 

There are no words for how much this time with Harrison has meant to me. Everyday (even the days when he's been poorly or stroppy) have been the best of my life. I feel so sad that our special time together is coming to an end. I think this is exacerbated by the fact I stopped breastfeeding Harrison a week after his first birthday. That was traumatic to say the least, though definitely the right time for us to stop. 

I will admit that I'm struggling to accept that there will be other people that will have a hand in raising Harrison and shaping the man he will become. That frightens me, because in my mind only J and I are fit to raise our son and there is a lot of distrust around how our family members, friends and staff will meet our high expectations. But, in the immortal words of Frozen, I have to 'let it go'. Harrison loved looking around the nursery the other day and just wanted to wriggle away from me and J and play with the new toys. It was a heartbreaking moment, but I am ultimately proud that our boy is strong enough to be independent from us. 

So this Christmas I am going to make the most of being a stay at home mum whilst I can. Who cares that I'm snuggled up next to my sleeping baby at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning? The chores can wait, it's a never ending task anyway. Right now, having the time to hold my little, sleeping, snotty son in my arms is all I could ever want for Christmas.