1

Today is your first birthday. I am so happy and overjoyed, but you wouldn't believe the amount of tears I have shed over this day. Because everyday that crept closer to your birthday was a day that you grew older, another day bringing you closer to your future and further away from being my little baby. 

Since being your mummy I have learned one very important thing: I need you far more than you will ever need me. Yes I feed you, clothe you, kiss away the tears. But your smiles feed me, your little arms wrap around me better than a cashmere shawl and your laughter dusts away all the sadness I may ever have.

I wanted to write you a poem for your birthday. But what could be said anew when mothers have been writing poems for their children for centuries? How could I put into words our unique bond, the strength of my love for you? Then I thought. I will simply write down the words I whisper to you every single night. Words that are just for you and I as you finish nursing. A goodnight mantra to carry you through the night. 

I love you higher than the mountains, deeper than the seas and wider than the skies. I will do everything in my power to always keep you happy, healthy and safe from harm. 

I love you more than I can possibly put into words. More than the breath in my lungs or the beat of my heart. 

You are my reason for living. 

My happy thought.

My pure joy. 

I hope you've had a fun day. I had fun being with you and everyday I wake up in the morning I'm so happy and thankful that I get to be your mummy. I can't believe how lucky I am that you are my little boy. You bring so much happiness and joy into our lives. 

Thank you. 

I hope you have a lovely, long sleep filled with happy dreams that make you smile and giggle. But if you wake up afraid then don't worry because mummy and daddy will just be downstairs or in the room next door, watching over you. We'll always be watching over you.

I love you Harrison. I'm going to put you in your cot now. 

Sweet dreams. 

Sleep tight.

Good night. 

Time Flies

 

So we're now in October and next month our little boy, the light of our lives turns 1. Although the blog posts have been growing more and more sparse of late (I'm busy being a mummy!) that's not to say that things aren't changing in Harrison's world. Now a proficient crawler, he has been using his newfound skills to scale the furniture, attempting to climb onto things and generally exploring every inch of our home. Baby proofing has become a hot topic, especially as Harrison's danger radar homes in on whatever is the least appropriate thing to play with in the room and tells him to go touch! Or worse - eat! I pulled chips of wood out from his mouth the other week which he'd picked off the logs in the fireplace. Gross. 

J has made this for the fireplace:

to cover the very porous bricks. It's done a fantastic job of cushioning our little man's expeditions round the fireplace, but has also aided his mission somewhat as he uses it as a step to scale the wall...

In other news, I turned 30 years old on the 1st October. We celebrated by heading to Cornwall and staying in a gorgeous log cabin by Forest Holidays. We had a log burner and hot tub, it was so wonderful. Harrison got his first ever experience of paddling around in a pool. He was unsure at first but grew to like it when he realised he could splash us in our faces. 

We had lots of fun visiting the Eden Project, the Lost Gardens of Heligan and little seaside towns like Looe, Polperro and Mevagissey. My favourite times though were just being out and about in nature with my boys, exploring the woods and drinking in the changing colours of the season. It was 20 degrees on my birthday - that's never happened before! And I woke up to a hot cup of tea and this view...

It just seems like a few weeks ago that we were in Norfolk celebrating my 29th and I was so heavily pregnant we were scared to do much in case I popped. I look at my little man, his angelic face (even when he's being a monkey) and I can't quite believe how quickly this year is going. 

Thankfully those night feeds are a thing of the past and I don't often have to get up in the middle of the night to check on him, but I remember the times when I did. Changing his nappy in the cold, dark, lighting my way with the little colour changing candles we used in my labour. Harrison's face as he was mesmerised by the soft, colourful glow. And then sitting on the chair at the end of our bed, nursing him for what felt like forever, trying to stay awake whilst willing my newborn boy back to sleep. Getting up 10+ times in the night to soothe him and pop the dummy back in his mouth - what a revelation that was when he learnt to do that himself! How far our little adventurer has come, how far he will go. Everyday being with him makes my heart sing.