Today I visited my GP for the second time. She is really nice and always remembers me and my medical history which I appreciate. I talked through some of my concerns and queries with her today including peanut butter and underwired bras! That made her laugh! Fortunately, it seems not wearing an underwired bra and not eating peanut butter during pregnancy are myths. I should be able to do both these things with little or no impact on the baby.
However, I may need an injection for typhoid when I go to Egypt and she said she will prescribe me a mild form of Valium to knock me out on the plane journey over there and back, which has made me feel lots better. Without a big shot of Jack Daniels to knock me out, I was worried I would get very stressed on the plane, which would in turn stress out poor Peanut. But, like a placebo, just knowing that I'll have something I can take is enough to make me not worry as much.
An old friend from school gave birth yesterday to a beautiful baby boy. I contacted her to wish her congratulations and, after talking for a bit, she mentioned that she'd lost a lot of blood and the delivery had not gone according to plan. That must have been terrible for her, but also, freaks me out big time! I'm trying very hard not to think about labour and how horrific it will be. If I dwell on it too much, it all gets a bit overwhelming.
The doctor mentioned for me to contact the National Childbirth Trust as they are a charitable organisation that provides antenatal classes and advice to expectant and new mums. I've just signed up on their website so I'm hoping I can find some women who are at the same stage in their pregnancies as me soon, it would be good to talk openly about my fears and concerns with women who are in the same position.
Still no morning sickness (yay!) but I am already detecting less than subtle changes to my body. I have gone up a whole cup size already! My boobs are now bigger than J's head! I'm not posting a picture though!
Tuesday 26 March 2013
Wednesday 20 March 2013
Seeing Peanut for the First Time
On Friday last week I was working at Rowhedge Village Hall. As I was about to leave, I nipped to the loo where I found a small amount of brownish blood in my knickers.
I rushed home and spoke to NHS Direct who advised me to contact my GP. I was trying to stay calm but, not finding the reassurance I so badly wanted from the guy at the other end of the telephone, I called J in floods of tears, prompting him to rush home from work.
A doctor from my surgery called me back. He advised a period of watchful waiting. Which I did. All weekend. I honestly hardly moved from the sofa. The bleeding (or spotting as it's called) became even lighter and much paler. I resolved to go to the doctors first thing Monday morning to check if everything was ok with Peanut.
At 8am I queued up outside the doctors surgery waiting to see my GP. A couple of hours later, I was in her office being told I needed to get myself down to the Early Pregnancy Unit at Colchester Hospital.
I was concerned but calm. I felt in my heart that everything was alright, but I just needed some reassurance. I drove home, parked the car and walked up to the hospital.
Two and a half hours later I was eventually examined by a young female doctor. She carried out an internal examination (ouch) and had a good feel of what was going on (awkward). She wasn't concerned about the bleeding but advised me to have a scan anyway.
Thirty minutes later I was ushered into a little room with the ultrasound device set up by a kind nurse. I've had two ultrasounds before, always to look at cysts on my ovaries. Past experiences meant I knew what to expect, but they'd always been sad occasions filled with worry.
I laid down on the bed. Gel was liberally applied to my tummy. The scanner was carefully placed on me and on screen a tiny little shape appeared.
Peanut!
It's heart flickered rapidly. My own heart pumped double time in response. Tears welled up in my eyes.
'You have a healthy baby there' said the nurse, 'and here's where the bleeding probably came from. See? Nothing to worry about. It was just the baby implanting itself into the womb.'
'I never thought I'd be able to get pregnant.' I whispered, marvelling at the screen.
The friendly nurse printed out some photos of the ultrasound for me. They are so blurry, to most people they probably can't even make it out. But that's our child. I can see Peanut.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. All I wanted to do was get home from work and hold the photos in my hands and show J. When he got home, we studied them together, our heads close, bodies touching.
Even though Peanut was there, quietly starting it's life inside me, to hold our baby's image in our hands and see evidence of the life we have created was such a tender, beautiful moment.
Our little family.
I rushed home and spoke to NHS Direct who advised me to contact my GP. I was trying to stay calm but, not finding the reassurance I so badly wanted from the guy at the other end of the telephone, I called J in floods of tears, prompting him to rush home from work.
A doctor from my surgery called me back. He advised a period of watchful waiting. Which I did. All weekend. I honestly hardly moved from the sofa. The bleeding (or spotting as it's called) became even lighter and much paler. I resolved to go to the doctors first thing Monday morning to check if everything was ok with Peanut.
At 8am I queued up outside the doctors surgery waiting to see my GP. A couple of hours later, I was in her office being told I needed to get myself down to the Early Pregnancy Unit at Colchester Hospital.
I was concerned but calm. I felt in my heart that everything was alright, but I just needed some reassurance. I drove home, parked the car and walked up to the hospital.
Two and a half hours later I was eventually examined by a young female doctor. She carried out an internal examination (ouch) and had a good feel of what was going on (awkward). She wasn't concerned about the bleeding but advised me to have a scan anyway.
Thirty minutes later I was ushered into a little room with the ultrasound device set up by a kind nurse. I've had two ultrasounds before, always to look at cysts on my ovaries. Past experiences meant I knew what to expect, but they'd always been sad occasions filled with worry.
I laid down on the bed. Gel was liberally applied to my tummy. The scanner was carefully placed on me and on screen a tiny little shape appeared.
Peanut!
It's heart flickered rapidly. My own heart pumped double time in response. Tears welled up in my eyes.
'You have a healthy baby there' said the nurse, 'and here's where the bleeding probably came from. See? Nothing to worry about. It was just the baby implanting itself into the womb.'
'I never thought I'd be able to get pregnant.' I whispered, marvelling at the screen.
The friendly nurse printed out some photos of the ultrasound for me. They are so blurry, to most people they probably can't even make it out. But that's our child. I can see Peanut.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. All I wanted to do was get home from work and hold the photos in my hands and show J. When he got home, we studied them together, our heads close, bodies touching.
Even though Peanut was there, quietly starting it's life inside me, to hold our baby's image in our hands and see evidence of the life we have created was such a tender, beautiful moment.
Our little family.
Wednesday 13 March 2013
Red Food...
I'm 5 weeks and 5 days today and I have come across a strange pattern. I'm eating lots of red food, the redder the better! Raspberries, tomatoes, pomegranate juice, bolognese sauce, cherries... I'm craving pretty much anything that's red.
Last week I bought radishes for the first time ever. I probably haven't eaten a radish since I was 7, but I suddenly got a real hankering for the peppery fresh bite of a radish. I cut some up and had them in a salad but they weren't as fierce as I remember sadly. It wasn't until I read the packet afterwards that I saw that radishes are a naturally potent source of folic acid. I've of course been taking my pregnancy vitamins, but I marvelled at how my body could engineer a craving so Peanut could get the nutrients it needs.
So far I've not had any morning sickness and I dearly hope that it's a sign of things to come. Although I have felt a little queasy the last couple of days so maybe it will all change soon!
I'm also not experiencing as many twinges and fluttery type sensations as I did 2 weeks ago. I feel a bit conflicted by this - on one hand my worrying doubts start creeping in - if I can't feel anything does that mean Peanut's developing OK? But the other, more rational side of me is more convincing. I think maybe I've already got used to the new sensations and they're not taking me by surprise as much. It will be so exciting when Peanut is big enough to move and kick inside me though because at the moment I would love to know and see what's going on. At least a kick would keep my worst fears in check.
I'm still feeling tired, though perhaps not so much as 2 weeks ago. Once again, maybe my body is getting used to the extra pressure and is coping better.
I'm literally counting down the days until these 12 weeks are up and I can have a scan and see Peanut for the first time! It's such a strange / lovely feeling at the moment. I'll be in the middle of doing something at work or watching rubbish TV when suddenly it hits me - I'm pregnant! The thought automatically gives me a lift and makes me feel special. When I'm by myself, I'm reminded that I'm not really alone, that there is a tiny life being created inside me. It's guaranteed to put a smile on my face :D
Last week I bought radishes for the first time ever. I probably haven't eaten a radish since I was 7, but I suddenly got a real hankering for the peppery fresh bite of a radish. I cut some up and had them in a salad but they weren't as fierce as I remember sadly. It wasn't until I read the packet afterwards that I saw that radishes are a naturally potent source of folic acid. I've of course been taking my pregnancy vitamins, but I marvelled at how my body could engineer a craving so Peanut could get the nutrients it needs.
So far I've not had any morning sickness and I dearly hope that it's a sign of things to come. Although I have felt a little queasy the last couple of days so maybe it will all change soon!
I'm also not experiencing as many twinges and fluttery type sensations as I did 2 weeks ago. I feel a bit conflicted by this - on one hand my worrying doubts start creeping in - if I can't feel anything does that mean Peanut's developing OK? But the other, more rational side of me is more convincing. I think maybe I've already got used to the new sensations and they're not taking me by surprise as much. It will be so exciting when Peanut is big enough to move and kick inside me though because at the moment I would love to know and see what's going on. At least a kick would keep my worst fears in check.
I'm still feeling tired, though perhaps not so much as 2 weeks ago. Once again, maybe my body is getting used to the extra pressure and is coping better.
I'm literally counting down the days until these 12 weeks are up and I can have a scan and see Peanut for the first time! It's such a strange / lovely feeling at the moment. I'll be in the middle of doing something at work or watching rubbish TV when suddenly it hits me - I'm pregnant! The thought automatically gives me a lift and makes me feel special. When I'm by myself, I'm reminded that I'm not really alone, that there is a tiny life being created inside me. It's guaranteed to put a smile on my face :D
Friday 8 March 2013
Hold On Peanut!
Apparently 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage within the first 12 weeks. I still have approx 8 weeks to go before my first scan, and still another 3 weeks before my first doctors appointment. I can't begin to describe how much I want this baby. The idea that it could be here growing inside me one day, and gone the next is just heartbreaking.
I had a shower and placed my hands over my womb. In the hot flush of water I said out loud "Please hold on Peanut. Please be healthy and safe." Saying the words out loud made me feel like I had some scrap of control over what's going on inside me. But my tears mingled with the water from the shower and trickled down my body.
I've told so many people this happy news, I hadn't really given much thought about what I'd say if Peanut just 'went away'. I know J has been uncomfortable with me sharing our amazing news so early on, though I think we're both guilty of getting caught up in the excitement of it all. I guess if the worst should happen, I'd have to tell the truth and get on with things. But I know that if Peanut does go away, it will break my heart forever. The line from the Jeff Buckley song 'Lover, You Should've Come Over' springs to mind:
"She's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever"
Whatever the future holds, I have to try to remain positive and keep my body and brain filled with healthy things. My body doesn't belong to just me anymore, I have another little person to think about.
I had a shower and placed my hands over my womb. In the hot flush of water I said out loud "Please hold on Peanut. Please be healthy and safe." Saying the words out loud made me feel like I had some scrap of control over what's going on inside me. But my tears mingled with the water from the shower and trickled down my body.
I've told so many people this happy news, I hadn't really given much thought about what I'd say if Peanut just 'went away'. I know J has been uncomfortable with me sharing our amazing news so early on, though I think we're both guilty of getting caught up in the excitement of it all. I guess if the worst should happen, I'd have to tell the truth and get on with things. But I know that if Peanut does go away, it will break my heart forever. The line from the Jeff Buckley song 'Lover, You Should've Come Over' springs to mind:
"She's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever"
Whatever the future holds, I have to try to remain positive and keep my body and brain filled with healthy things. My body doesn't belong to just me anymore, I have another little person to think about.
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