Second Trimester!

Yesterday I reached that all important 13 week turning point. I am now officially in my second trimester, which many books and websites say is the easiest, most relaxed part of pregnancy. For me, because this is my first child and I have no idea what to expect, I can't see the next few months being worry-free though!

A couple of nights ago I started feeling very mild cramping. I wasn't even sure if it was cramping, I just couldn't get comfortable and even laying down in our big comfy bed didn't seem to help. At first, I thought it was trapped wind (nice) but the twinges seemed to be located more in my womb than anywhere else. I was just very aware of any feeling happening in there. Naturally, my panic levels started to rise. But a quick search online stated that unless the cramps became severe or were accompanied by bleeding, they are perfectly normal. It's just my body starting to grow and stretch to accommodate Peanut as he/she grows big and strong.

But we have had an exciting turn of events this weekend. We told H our news! H is J's son from a previous relationship and the most adorable, grounded and bright 9 year old you could ever hope to meet. We are already so lucky to have him in our lives, having his acceptance of our news was very important to us.

He came round on Sunday. We sat him down and told him we have some important news. Then I said the words I have fantasised saying to him for the best part of a year, 'you're going to have another brother or sister'.

He was very shocked, 'I don't know what to say!' he said, wide-eyed on a rush of breath. He sat forwards and J rubbed his back, soothing him in case there were tears. We exchanged worried glances. But then he sat up and said 'I'm actually really excited, it will be really good'. J and I mentally sighed with relief.

We showed him all the photos from the scans. I explained how I'd been poorly so that's why there were so many pictures. H was fascinated, he asked to have a copy of the photo from the 12 week scan, which J happily sent him on his iPod touch. H even sent the photo to his mum, who text us with congratulations.

And then the news was out. The most important person we could ever share our joy with now knew, which meant we could share our wonderful news with everyone else. The obligatory post went up on Facebook. People spent the rest of the day congratulating us, wishing us well.

We went to the beach with my Dad and relaxed in the sunshine, though it was very windy. I read last week that November babies have the lowest risk of developing MS and the best immune systems, presumably because the mother gets a full dose of Vitamin D in her pregnancy, so I'm not going to fill guilty for sitting quietly in the sun, soaking up the rays! H played tennis and rounders with my Dad and J, giving him some much needed attention. It felt so good to have everything out in the open.

On the way back in the car, H turned to me and said, 'you know, the best thing about being pregnant is maternity leave' which made us burst out laughing! No prizes for guessing where he got that from!

Later, H and I went out into the garden at home to pollinate the flowers on the plum tree (or at least attempt to with paintbrushes). Although I can't remember word for word exactly what he said, he told me I'd make a good mum and that he saw me as his stepmum. I can't tell you how wonderful that was to hear from the little dude, I've always tried to do right by him and give him my love and attention. Knowing that he cares about me too is not only an amazing feeling, but a total surprise.

I told him that if Peanut turns out half as well as he has, I would be a very happy, lucky mummy indeed.

12 Week Scan!

Things always get worse before they get better. The infection in my wisdom tooth turned into an abscess over the weekend and was giving me a tremendous amount of pain. On Monday I had to go to the dentist (again) and have the abscess drained, which was so unbelievably painful! I sat there quietly, close to the limit of my endurance, whilst the dentist pressed the heel of her hand into my swollen lower jaw using the full force of her body weight. It was agonising, but made me feel like superwoman afterwards as I thought that if I could survive that, I could surely survive childbirth!

Now I'm feeling much better. The infection is practically gone, the rash disappeared after a few days and the cough and cold have gone.

Today, J and I went to the hospital for my 12 week scan. This is officially the dating scan and I'm pleased to say it went well! After my tummy got lubed up, I laid back, held J's hand and watched the screen anxiously. And there was Peanut, nestled safely in my womb, sucking its little thumb and kicking its little legs! It was an amazing experience and one I'm so glad to share with J! I hope he now feels how real it all is, I think it must be difficult for dads to connect this early on. And now we can say that I'm officially due on the 5th November!

We have opted to be screened for Downs Syndrome so they took lots of measurements of Peanut and gave me a blood test afterwards. If its bad news (please don't be bad news!) we will find out in 3 days. If its good news, we won't hear at all.

And here is one of the photos the nurse took of Peanut! Our little baby, our precious child.

Blooming Awful!

At the moment I have a whole host of terrible symptoms which are making me feel very poorly.

A couple of weeks ago I developed perocoronitis around my lower left wisdom tooth which was agonising and made my face swell up like Don Corleone's. I had an emergency appointment with a dentist who prescribed me amoxicillin (general antibiotics) and some Corsodyl mouthwash. After a few days the swelling reduced and my desperate need for pain killers decreased, so last week I was able to teach the Easter holiday workshops without too much fuss.

But over the weekend I've developed a nasty cold and a horrible wracking cough which amounts to tear streaked coughing fits and me trying to catch my breath. The pain in my wisdom tooth has also started up again, it's even started to swell a little bit. My lips are sore and cracked too, so eating has become a nightmare. And now, just to make matters even worse, I've got a rash on my arms, chest and belly.

So generally I feel pretty shocking.

I've booked an appointment with the dentist for Wednesday afternoon (I have now registered with a good dentist so hopefully no more emergency appointments for me) and I'm expecting a phonecall from my doctor this afternoon, hopefully just to reassure me that it's all a virus and I will get better in a couple of days.

I've got so much work on at the moment too, I think I'd really benefit from just having a couple of days off! The weekends are never long enough to rest up and relax. Especially as I need to carry out most of the household chores on the weekends. It all feels very stressful and overwhelming. Above all else, I want to make sure Peanut is safe, but I don't have any energy left for panicking. I'm just quietly hoping that all will be well, and like a ship in a storm, my body is taking the battering whilst my little baby is sleeping safely in a cocoon in the belly of the ship.

Some good news though, my tiredness seems to be levelling out. Despite the illness, I was able to walk to work this morning and felt quite energetic. We've had a couple of days of good sunshine and its been so nice to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin.

J and I also went shopping on the weekend and bought some new clothes, including some new jeans, tops and some beautiful stretchy dresses for our holiday. I am really looking forward to having 11 days in the sunshine now!

9 weeks

I've just had my second ultrasound scan. Peanut is safe and well, I got to see its little arms and legs moving around and it's heart beating strongly in its chest. Peanut has also grown a lot since 3 weeks ago! I'm so happy and grateful that Peanut is ok. I even got another photo to add to the collection.

I'm amazed by how much I love this tiny little person inside me already!

More Bleeding

This morning I woke up and went to the bathroom. As I looked down, I was horrified to see the sign that every pregnant woman dreads - fresh, red blood.

Thirty minutes of hysterical crying, panicking, hurried dressing and driving to the hospital. Two hours waiting in the Early Pregnancy Unit. One painful internal examination and the ominous words 'threatened miscarriage'. J and I trying to make sense of it all, trying desperately to convince the doctor to tell us that this is 'normal', that we shouldn't be worried. Hand squeezing, bated breath, crawling back into bed, tearful, exhausted, praying that everything is ok.

I need to go back on Thursday for another scan. The doctor said that my cervix is closed, which is a good sign, I have no pain and haven't bled anymore since 10am. Everything is looking positive. But the situation seems so precarious that I daren't move in case it goes away.

What will now follow is three days of torture, desperately hoping that Peanut is ok. Three days of false optimism and forced smiles and being hyper aware of every single twinge and pressure I feel. Three days of scrutinising my knickers for any trace, however small, of blood.

The wait is agonising but nothing compared to the thought of me losing this baby.

Please Peanut, please be strong and safe and healthy.