Due Date

The due day has been and gone and baby is still here, snugly in my tummy. I spent the day relaxing, sorting out more bits in the nursery and I even went for a long walk round Highwoods Country Park. It was lovely to be outside, listening to my birthing playlist, taking photos and drinking in the autumn colours. Who knows, it might be the last chance I get for a while. 

We are both doing well according to the midwife - urine, blood pressure, baby's position and heartbeat - all fine. I had a sweep too and the midwife found my cervix was nice and soft, which is a really good sign. It was uncomfortable, but I put on some music and did my deep breathing and I was able to relax through the procedure. I'm really happy that our baby seems to be doing well and so now I'll just keep my fingers crossed the sweep works and our baby arrives very soon...

Day Before Due Date...

Apparently only 5% of mothers give birth on their due dates. I'm very much hoping that this baby comes very, very soon. The discomfort is almost unbearable now - I weighed my boobs yesterday and each weighed 3lbs - that's 6lbs worth of boob on my chest alone! In addition to the extra weight of the baby, the amniotic fluid and the extra fat I'm carrying, my poor back struggles to support me now. I don't even want to think about how much I weigh now. Even getting out of bed or up the stairs is hard work. How do morbidly obese people manage it?!

I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow. As always, I hope that the baby is in a good position and seems healthy and strong. It's always such a worry that the midwife is going to say something is wrong. At least at this stage the baby has grown enough to live happily outside the comfort of my womb should I need to be whisked off to hospital and induced. 

I'm really struggling to get my head around giving birth. I know what to expect (to an extent) and I know what's expected of me, but labour is such an uncontrollable process that I just can't imagine what it's going to be like. I've actually got the point now where I welcome every twinge of pain or slight cramp because it makes me wonder whether this is it - the time is now. 

And the great baby race has begun! One of the hypnobirthing mummies from my course had her baby a couple of weeks ago and this weekend saw the arrival of my friends baby 3 weeks early. And to everyone's mind I should be next...the pressure really is on. 

I have no idea how J is feeling. I think he's just bottling his fears and doubts inside so as not to worry me. Thank god he has strength enough for the both of us because I could not have done this without him. It sounds cheesy I know, but he has been my rock through all this. From little things like him stroking my back every night to relieve some of my discomfort, through to the bigger things like his commitment to the hypnobirthing programme and buying so much expensive stuff for me and the baby, he has supported me 100%. I look at myself in the mirror now and I am so changed. I don't recognise the woman in the mirror - the bulging egg shaped tummy, tiger striped with scars and stretch marks, my breasts, so huge and blue veined, the nipples about 4 times bigger and darker  than the little pink rosebuds I remember from before. I look and feel swollen, like a balloon fit to burst. Yet J still tells me he loves me. He stands behind me as I study the imposter in the mirror and brushes my hair away from my neck and kisses me tenderly on my collarbone and whispers that he thinks I'm beautiful and that he loves me. Whatever happens, I am eternally grateful and filled up with love and wonder that he has been with me every step of the way. 

And now, I sit quietly and watch my hospital bag, willing labour to begin, silently praying for our baby to arrive here safely and soon. 

One Month Till Due Date!

I'm currently laying in bed waiting for sleep to come find me. It's been a busy week celebrating two major events: my 29th birthday and one month till our due date! Of course, I understand that due dates are very rarely accurate, but it has given us something to focus on. I'm pleased to say we've finally finished the nursery today! The wall stickers are up and they look absolutely fantastic! 

We've also completed our hypnobirthing course this week and we are both feeling much more prepared and excited (rather than fearful) about our baby's arrival. We've been listening to the CD most nights, practicing the visualizations and breathing techniques and also I've finally finished the book, which was incredibly insightful. My birthing ball turned up this week so I've also been having fun sitting on that and bouncing around to encourage baby into the ideal position. It's so crazy to think that possibly this time next month we'll be holding him in our arms! I'm so excited and just filled up with happiness.